Monday, August 4, 2008

My Unfinished Life

Today, I feel like an ass. Yesterday was not my best day, and neither was the day before.

The good news is that I have the choice today to change that but the question is that with all of the knowledge I have, will I make that choice?

Recently an earthquake of epic proportions hit my world, my whole reality changed and everything I knew or thought I knew was shaken or broken. It was like my life was one of those little glass snow globes that you pick up and shake, only it wasn't snow in the globe, it was me.

So here I am, starting over. Looking forward to life and all the new experiences that are yet to come. Yet I feel frozen at the starting line, unsure of where to turn or who to move on with. That is the question I have to ask myself, am I ready to get of the proverbial dock and jump in the water to see if I can swim? I have long felt like a spectator in my own life, watching rather than participating. With all of the changes that have happened in my life lately, there are more to come.

I don't think the world has seen the best that I have to offer and the only way to truly move forward is to continue to change and to evolve. My dynamic has to change. There are people that need to be removed from my life and new friends to be made. New boundries have to be established. There are patterns that need to be stopped and a new way of thinking adopted. All I need to do is take the leap. And to be honest, it scares me. It will force me out of my comfort zone and to confront the big questions that I have been avoiding, and make me look into the dark spaces that exist in all of us and take an objective look at what is missing, what is good and what needs to be fixed.

I think its time to clean the slate and truly accept what has happened. I am almost ready to take that leap and show the world what I am, about how good of a person that I am and to figure out the best me.

One of my favorite movies is All The Pretty Girls, in the closing scene of the movie, the main character Paul is trying to teach his dog to swim. He is telling the dog that it has nothing to be afraid of, to jump in and trust that everything will work out. Only thing is, it is not the dog he is talking to. He is telling himself to move forward and move on. That is how I feel right now.

To those who stick with me, I thank you. I apologize for some of my erratic behavior and want you to know that as I evolve and start to fulfill my potential the payoff will be immense. I am just starting to find my way again and appreciate those who are taking the journey with me.